Grandmother And The Chair

Anne Matilda Farrar McCaleb

We all called her “Grandmother.” In reality, she was my father’s grandmother and my great-grandmother. Anne Matilda McCaleb (née Farrar) was born on May 8, 1887 and died February 3, 1983 at the age of 95, just a little over four years shy of her 100th birthday. There was never any confusion among the family when speaking of Grandmother because both of my parents’ mothers were called “Grandma” and only Anne McCaleb was afforded the full-blown honorific, “Grandmother.” I’m not sure how that happened and I’m not really sure it matters.

What I am sure of is that I was a lucky young man because until I reached the age of 18, I was fortunate to have both my maternal and paternal grandparents and a great-grandmother still alive. More fortunate still, I was able to grow up with ample opportunies to get to know and enjoy all of these wonderful people. In light of the fact that tomorrow is Mother’s Day, I thought it would be appropriate to share a funny story about my Grandmother that happened when I was about 11 years old. (more…)

The Rebel Gene

I’m expecting any day now to hear or to read of an announcement by scientists working on the Human Genome Project that they’ve finally isolated and identified the Rebel Gene. Being born and bred in the Deep South, I admit that I have a vested interest in this, but I am awaiting confirmation that people with rebellious spirits (including myself) are born the way they are and that it’s not just a choice. I know it’s only a matter of time before this gene is located and I am prepared to suggest where the scientists should focus their attention. In fact, if they will all get together and spend a little time on this, they could probably knock this one out in a weekend or two. (more…)

Spots In My Eyes & Ringing in My Ears…

Sometimes life walks up and hands me a soapbox onto which I can’t help but climb. There are those who tell me that the number of soapboxes you find increases exponentially the older you get. But I really don’t think this particular issue is just me. In fact, I believe this is one of those few cases, where I am not alone in my frustration because deep down many of you out there agree with what I’m about to say. You haven’t said anything because your mama raised you to say nothing if you couldn’t say something good. Well, my mama will just have to get over it, because this ain’t pretty and I’m still going to say it. My apologies, Mom. (more…)

Green Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Is For Aliens

Pardon me while I climb up on my soapbox for a minute. The time has come for me to get something off my chest and it ain’t the grey hairs growing there. I’ve about had all I can stand and it’s driving me nuts. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream eaters are some of the most inconsiderate people in the world and one day soon I’m going to get the chance to tell them. (more…)

Windows XP vs. Vista

Recently at the Microsoft Financial Analyst Day at the Microsoft Redmond Campus in Redmond WA, CEO Steve Ballmer stated that by the end of 2008, Microsoft would have over 1 billion installed users of Windows. Ballmer said that this would mean that there would be more computers using Windows than automobiles in the world. (more…)

BOLO Means “Bad Boy”

Have you ever been BOLO’d? Neither had I until last Saturday, and I have to say that it is doing wonders for my image. I’ve always been sort of squeakly, clean, geeky kinda guy. But now I have formally joined the ranks of the “Bad Boys!” (more…)

It’s Cold Up Here

The Barn

As I sit in my father-in-law’s den looking out of the window covered with thick plastic wrap used to lock out the cold, I can barely make out the blurry shapes of trees and the iced over driveway. What is unmistakable are the blobs of white covering everything and they look the same from behind the plastic as they do from in front of the plastic. Without a doubt after seven or eight years of traveling to upstate New York for Christmas this is the most snow I have seen for the longest period of time ever. (more…)

Grog, The Fat Caveman

A gazillion years ago, a lonely single cell decided to divide and create a friend and though the process was primitive and untried, the cell heaved and pulled and pushed and in a moment of spontaneous creation split into two cells one slightly larger than the other one. The smaller cell looked at his former self and said, “Geez, that guy is huge!”I don’t know why in that moment the larger cell didn’t just swallow the smaller cell whole, or roll over and squish the smaller cell flat. But I do know that it didn’t happen that way because as a descendent of the larger cell, I am here to write this story. (more…)

Mowing For Peace

Mowing grass has become my preferred way to relax. Some people think that mowing grass is a boring, tiring and sweat-laden chore, but I have come to see that mowing grass can be a great way to connect to life in a number of ways. (more…)

Bad Fortune Cookies

I’ve seen the beginning of the end of the world, as we know it and the vision arrived in a fortune cookie. I’m not kidding! Real end of the world stuff! Dog and cats sleeping together, sheep chasing lions around, early birds and worms hanging out and drinking coffee and stuff. (more…)